So I Stand At A Junction In My Mind

3

 So here I stand at a junction in my mind with my soul in hand, or so it seems. Many confusing and contradictory messages seem to be presenting themselves and I feel confused. Now through this fog of imagery there is an attraction to one particular way. It is not marked by anything in particular, and actually it feels just a little scary to even consider going down that road but there is a sense of something, a way of doing things that is definitely different.  If peace and good order have a smell about them, then it is here.

I look to my left and see many other opportunities I could venture into, some very familiar. Heck, I could walk through some of them with my eyes shut. 

In fact, I see many of the old gang beckoning to me to join them in the old ways.  I feel my heartstrings being tugged on this one. As I look down this old and familiar road I can see pain and despair hiding in the ditches just waiting to jump out at me.  I see me depending on me, and my “magic friends” to gain relief from a world I considered a very dangerous place. A place I thought would destroy me. I now know that the relief I will feel is only temporary.  

As I see my old friends I have to ask myself who is my friend and who is my enemy, really?  Who wears false faces today? I notice my life is littered with the castoffs of my efforts to avoid my legitimate hurt and pain. 

I want ‘different’. That path way to the unfamiliar looks different.  I notice others up ahead.  They seem to be walking with a spring in their step; they seem to be walking toward a place called ‘different’.  They are whom I want to join.  We all carry heavy packsacks, and some of us have yokes about our necks too but I notice that their steps are light and the look upon their faces is peaceful.

A Sense Of Renewal Comes Upon Me.

The old gang raises hell and bangs their pots and pans.  They really don’t want me to go.  They shout promises and falsehoods and even try bribery, offering all sorts of freedom and wonderful experiences if only I would stay. 

It is tempting but I don’t hear the ring of quality in their voices, I remember what I have learned, in fact if I am honest with me I have to notice that the ring of quality was never really there with the old and familiar way.  I choose the road of unfamiliar and different.

Those who greet me have gone on before.  The warmth and presence deep within grows fuller and richer and more defined.  Gratitude becomes my experience not my lip service.  I am not alone.  I experience the presence of my Higher Power acting with me as I go through my day, as I walk upon my path.

Experience Has Taught Me

That there is a power greater than me,

And

I can have it in my life

But

Only if I ask

And

Only if I surrender into it with all its manifestations,

Then it will heal everything in my life that needs to be healed, including me.